Flying

I just came back from a whirlwind business trip where I spent four of my five days flying. Instead of addressing recent family activities, I want to address a few of my new pet peeves with flying. My first pet peeve deals with boarding the plane. Most Airlines now board their planes via the Zone system -zone 1, zone 2, zone 3, etc. I am sure some geeky mathematician created this convoluted boarding process via some algorithmic equation to shave minutes off the process and assist in the timely arrival flight. For this reason, I appreciate the process, and it is easy enough to follow -when the flight attendant calls your zone, you get in line and board the plane. So why do people not get this and hover around the line as if they fear the flight attendant might forget to call their zone. Honestly, on one flight, when the flight attendant called my zone, I got in what I thought was the line only to find out, after not moving for a couple of minutes, that I was standing behind a guy, who was standing in the line, but who's zone had not been called. I guess he wanted to be the first person from his zone on the plane. On another flight, when the flight attendant began the boarding process, a man grabbed his bags and stood immediately in front of her until she called his zone (zone 4). Seriously, the flight attendant will call all the zones, she will call them in order, and unless you are a medallion member or in a wheelchair, she is not going to let you on until she calls your zone. The best part, all these people ensure they are the first in their zone to board, only to stand in line on the sky walk, as some oblivious passenger spends five minutes trying to cram their bag in the overhead.

This brings me to my second pet peeve. If you are too cheep to pay the fifteen dollars to check your bag, ensure it will easily fit in the overhead compartment. There is nothing more frustrating then to watch someone clobbering the aisle as they spend five minutes trying to stuff their overly stuffed bag into the overhead compartment. If you are this person, be courteous to the other 200 people (and the man in front of the podium) and either check your bag or have the flight attendant at the gate put your bag underneath the plane (for free) when it obviously will not fit in the overhead without the use of a crowbar.

My next pet peeve deals with reclining your seat. Personally, I do not recline my seat, for I know how compressed the person sitting behind me feels. They do not need to spend their flight with my head in their drink. If you need to sleep, I understand you might need to recline the seat to get comfortable, but after your siesta, put your seat back in the upright position. On my flight home, the girl in front of me immediately reclined her seat all the way, not to sleep but to chat to her friend. Needing to do work, this forced me to type on my laptop two inches from my body -I looked like a Tyrannosaurus Rex with my arms buried into my sides and my wrists bent down, trying desperately to type on the keyboard. The best part about my lounging companion, when she decided to nap, she began to thrust violently against the back of the seat, obviously assuming that the seat would recline further if she just forced it hard enough. Of course, the only thing this accomplished was spilling my drink into my lap.

My final pet peeve are those people who bring their pets on board. Personally, I cannot believe airlines allow this. I would think as soon as someone allergic to pet hair complained about the cat or dog at their feet, the airlines would stop allowing this service for fear of a lawsuit. This said, I am not allergic to pet dandruff and actually love animals. This does not mean I want my already violated personal space also occupied by your cat or Pomeranian. On one flight, I had to hear a lady's cat meow straight for three hours. No matter how many subtle kicks I gave its from under the seat, the mangy beast never stopped meowing. Of course, its owner, under the buffer of headphones, acted as if the cat was happy as a lark, when it obviously needed a large dose of sedatives or its head smothered in an a pillow. By the end of the flight, I prayed the plane would loose cabin pressure and asphyxiate the damn cat.

Let us recap. The next time you go flying, remember, do not get in line until the flight attendant calls your zone -don't worry, you will board the plane and you will still have to stand in line on the sky walk. Before you do board, tag your XXL suitcase for placement in the baggage compartment. Do not be that person, who destroys the geeky mathematician's formula, because you cannot take your seat in a quickly, and force the plane to take off late. Once in your seat, do not recline your seat unless you really need to sleep. And remember, when you do recline your seat, someone behind you has to spend the flight a with your head in their lap, so think about using extra good smelling shampoo before you fly. Finally, unless your pet is hairless and stuffed, leave Fluffy at home!